Things I probably shouldn’t say to my French Exchange

Voici David Tennant. Il est acteur. Il est chaud. Il a une petite copaine, par je ne sais pas qui.

Regarder Noel Fielding. Il est un comedien. Il est drole (je pense) et il a les cheveux fantastique. Il a aussi une petite copaine, elle s’appelle Dee Plume. Elle est dans un band. Le band s’appelle les Robots in Disguise.Nous n’aimont pas votre brand of trashy electro punk. D’accord?

Lundi, tu vas aller a l’ecole avec moi. Mardi, nous allons jouer rounders au parc. Mercredi, nous allons a la piscine. Est-ce tu veux regarder le Mighty Boosh? Non? Merde. Alors, Samedi, nous peut regarder Dr Who. OR ELSE.

Yeah, I’m not amazing at french. I think I got my main points across. I can’t be bothered to translate, to be honest, and if you put that little lot into a google translator, they’ll think you’re a mad biscuit. It’s a tough ol’ world, ennit?

Just so we know where we stand, the new thing that’s occurred recently is D of E, or Duke of Edinburgh. I don’t really see the point of it, to be honest. The Duke of Edinburgh is about 180 years old, I don’t see him climbing up any mountains. but hey ho. Anyway, our D of E group is called the Chemical Crew (stop laughing, we’re all nerds) and it recently occurred to me that this is also the name given to the little group of chavs that features Peroxide & Alcopop. So to avoid confusion, our D of E group will be known as the… umm… The Cool Kids. OK?

The newest thing with the chemical crew (not the D of E group – see above) is to “own” someone. It started on Bebo, and now only the “coolest” of people own someone. You won’t be surprised to know that I don’t own anyone at all. Here is a small sample of a chemical’s profile:

ABOUT ME: I luv all u guys ur so phitt & ur da best remember wen we jumpd in th river w/ no clothes on ggd times lol lmao wtf tbh

I like: sex. its niice =)

Music: RnB anyfing i can grind n pop too =)

I own: Sarah Addams (I just made her up) coz shes a fitshit ennit

It’s shocking. I would have thought that human trafficking was illegal, but no, it’s there plain and simple. “I own…” I think that for a funny laugh we (and by that I mean the good ol’ Cool Kids ect) should chav up our Bebo profiles, so to speak. Just for one day, possibly, and see how many people disown us. Or possibly OWN us as a result of our new found chavviness. Hahahaha.

Ok, we’ll think about it.

Bye fitshits (what does that even mean?)

 

Crikey. Not much left to the imagination there. I almost went blind.

P.S. Our D of E group is: Me, and I sometimes refer to myself in the third person. If Bootsie doesn’t stop that, she’s going to be killed. Alex, who has a phobia of mud, Lara and Blondi, who are both implausibly organised, my brother (sigh… in a nice way), Ed who is ridiculously tall, and Stephen, who’s pretty much neutral.

So, that’s that.

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